Questions about Sex
It isn't always easy for teens and young people to get good advice about sex and sexuality. This page aims to answer some of the most common questions that teens ask.
How do you have sexual Intercourse?
Sexual intercourse is sometimes called making love, having sex, fucking or having a shag. It is when a boy's hard penis goes inside a girl's vagina. If a boy and girl are having sexual intercourse, then using a contraceptive properly, every time, will prevent the girl becoming pregnant. There is more information on the contraceptive page.
If two people have sexual intercourse, and one of them has a sexual infection they could pass it on the other person. These infections are sometimes called sexually transmitted infections (STIs) or diseases (STDs). Using a condom is the best way to prevent any infection from being passed from one person to the other.
Sexual intercourse between a boy and a girl starts with them both getting sexually excited. This is sometimes referred to as foreplay, and might involve kissing and cuddling, touching each other and other sexual activities. Foreplay is important as it means a girl's vagina begins to get moist and a boy gets an erection. If the girl's vagina does not get moist enough, then having sexual intercourse could be difficult or painful for the girl.
If a couple are going to use a condom for protection against pregnancy or infections, they should put it on the boy's penis as soon as he gets an erection. Some boys say they worry about using condoms in case they lose their erection or have difficulty putting the condom on. You could get some condoms and practice beforehand. Condoms come with instructions in words and pictures which show exactly how to use them.
After the condom is on, the boy or girl can guide his penis into her vagina. The couple then move their bodies so that his penis moves up and down inside her vagina. This usually rubs the penis and makes the boy sexually excited so that he has an orgasm. The movement might rub the girl's clitoris too so she can have an orgasm. But this depends on the position the couple are in when they have sexual intercourse.
Does sexual intercourse hurt?
If a girl is sexually excited and relaxed the vagina will probably be moist enough for a boy's penis to go in without hurting. The vagina is very stretchy and, if a boy and girl have sexual intercourse, usually only part of the penis is inside the vagina. The average penis is between eleven and eighteen centimetres long when it is erect.
If it hurts when you have sexual intercourse it may be because there is not enough of the natural lubrication made by a girl's body when she gets sexually aroused. Quite often being tense or rushing things doesn't help, so try to relax and take your time.
You can also use extra lubrication, like KY Jelly, which you can buy from supermarkets. But if you are using a condom, then you must use a water-based lubricant like KY jelly, and not an oil-based lubricant like Vaseline.
What 'counts' as losing your virginity?
Different people have different opinions on this, and some say there are different types of virginity. But most people agree that if you have had penetrative sex, then you are not a virgin. You can find more information about having sex for the first time on our first time page.
Which position is best?
There are quite a lot of different positions for sexual intercourse. One common way is for the girl and boy to be lying down, face to face with either the girl or boy on their back. If the boy is lying on top this is often referred to as the missionary position. Another way is for the girl and boy to lay on their sides with the boy behind the girl. If the boy is behind the girl the penis might not rub her clitoris and the girl or boy can do this with their fingers.
Can a girl become pregnant even if she doesn't have sexual intercourse?
Yes. If a boy's penis goes near to a girl's vagina there may be sperm in the fluid which comes out the boy's penis before he ejaculates. This can lead to pregnancy or a sexually transmitted infection. And a girl can still become pregnant if she has sex standing up or in the bath - this doesn't give any protection at all.
What does it mean when a girl says she's late?
This means that her period is late, and she might be pregnant. Most women find their periods are usually regular, but they stop when she becomes pregnant. So if she was due to have a period and didn't, this maybe because she's pregnant. However, younger women especially may find their periods are not very regular. The only way that a woman can find out for certain if she is pregnant is to take a pregnancy test
What does sex feel like?
Similar things happen to most people's bodies when they have sex - they get sensitive and warm and excited and may have an orgasm. Enjoying sexual activities with another person is possible whether you have an orgasm or not. Not being able to have an orgasm with another person doesn't mean that you don't fancy them or love them. Your emotions might be different each time you have a sexual experience depending on the circumstances. Having sex can be one of the most intense and pleasurable physical and emotional experiences a person can have. But it won't always be wonderful.
What is an orgasm?
When sexual excitement builds up and reaches a peak a person might experience an orgasm, also called a climax or coming. The sexual excitement might be through masturbating on their own, or through kissing, masturbating or having sex with another person.
Sexual excitement usually grows gradually and a person feels more and more pleasure and a kind of exciting tension. All the feelings of tension then disappear when the orgasm happens, and the person experiences feelings of intense pleasure. The feeling can be so strong that a person might not be able to see, or hear or think about anything for a moment. They might even groan and call out with the pleasure. Orgasms usually last only a few seconds but the feelings might last a lot longer.
When a boy has an orgasm he ejaculates. This means that sperm mixed with semen comes out of the end of his penis in a sticky white fluid. After a boy has ejaculated he loses his erection and usually needs to stop for a while. When a girl has an orgasm her vagina often becomes very wet, but she can continue being sexually aroused as long as she likes. Some girls can experience more than one orgasm without stopping.
If a person doesn't have an orgasm, it doesn't mean anything is wrong. In fact, worrying about reaching an orgasm or being nervous is quite likely to make it hard for a person to relax enough to have one.
What is anal intercourse?
Anal intercourse is when a boy puts his penis into the anus and rectum of another boy or girl. Some people might have strong feelings, especially religious or moral feelings about anal intercourse. For some people it is very pleasurable. But, other people may feel uncomfortable about the idea of anal intercourse and may never want to do it. Some people think anal intercourse between a girl and boy is a good thing to do as a way of avoiding pregnancy. But it is better instead to avoid pregnancy by using contraception.
Anyone wanting to try anal intercourse ought to think about whether the other person really wants to do it. If one person wants to try and not the other it is better not to do it. Some people think that anal intercourse is something that only gay men do. This is not true. Many gay men never have anal intercourse. If two people are having anal intercourse they should think about using a water-based lubricant, like KY Jelly, and an extra strong condom.
How long does sex last?
It depends what you mean by sex. Sex can last any amount of time.
A boy might find he comes very quickly the first time he has sexual intercourse. Usually sexual intercourse lasts longer as people get more experienced and know what to expect. But with a new partner it can take time for people to get used to each other. Also every time people have sex it is different, depending on how they feel and what they want.
Is sex noisy?
Only if you want it to be! Some people do make noises when they having sex. They might moan or groan with pleasure or even cry out. Some people talk to each other. Others don't speak or make any noises. But your body might make noises that you can't help - squelching and squishing. These might be embarrassing or funny, but they are perfectly normal.
How often do people do it?
Sexual appetite is entirely a matter of personal taste. Some people have sex once a day and others once a month. It probably varies for most people depending on whether they are in a relationship, how busy they are and how they feel. Most people think about sex far more often than they do it.
What is oral sex?
Oral sex is when one person licks or sucks another person's penis or vagina. When oral sex is done to a man it is sometimes called a blowjob. When it is done to a woman it is sometimes called licking out. If two people have oral sex with each other at the same time it is sometimes called a 69 because of the shape their bodies make. A girl cannot get pregnant from giving oral sex to a boy, even if she swallows his sperm.
Oral sex can be a very intense and intimate experience. Some people enjoy giving oral sex or having it. Other people feel uncomfortable about the idea and don't want to do it Sometimes people feel pressure to have oral sex when they don't want to. It is very important to think about what the other person really wants if you want to have oral sex. Some sexually transmitted infections can be passed on through oral sex. There are flavoured condoms available that you can use when having oral sex. These are to stop any infections which might be passed on.
How do people masturbate?
A girl usually masturbates by rubbing, stroking or squeezing on or around her clitoris. The clitoris is the most sensitive sexual part of a girl. A girl might touch her breasts too. A boy usually masturbates by stroking or rubbing his penis. Especially round the tip which is the most sensitive part. Masturbation is sometimes referred to as playing with yourself, or, especially with boys, jerking off, a hand job, or wanking.
People don't necessarily begin masturbating when they reach puberty. Some people hardly ever masturbate, and others masturbate a lot. It varies according to how a person feels. Some people masturbate when they are in a relationship with someone. Masturbation can last as long as you want, but generally people masturbate for between a few minutes and half an hour.
There is no physical reason why you should or shouldn't masturbate. It is not true that you'll go blind if you masturbate. It is not possible to masturbate too much, but you should stop if you start to make yourself feel sore. Some people think that if a boy doesn't masturbate his testes will fill up with sperm. This is not true; the sperm are just absorbed into his body. It is also not true that girls who think about sex or masturbate are 'easy'.
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