Stories of Sex Education
If you would like to add your personal stories of Sex Education, then please email us with what you would like to say.
| Heather | Teach respect | MaryAnne | Bea |
| Cathy | Peter | Tatiana | Barbara |
| Rebekah | Michael | Vancouver | Appeal to mothers |
| Cheated | Shoshanna | A student | Grateful mother |
Heather
Hello, my name is Heather, I have had twenty non-stop years of public school. Growing up in small-town Idaho, I was not exposed to very many "worldly" events. However, the public school system did include sex-ed classes starting in fifth grade and continuing on until freshman/sophomore year of high school. Looking back I guess the information that we learned was appropriate for our age level, moving from basic physical changes to safe-sex and pregnancy prevention. Really, most of my information came from my mom in regards to physical changes, more on sexuality was disclosed as I matured.
My mother impressed a strong absentenance view while growing up, my father still thinks I'm a 24-year-old virgin. My first sexual experience was when I was sixteen, I used protection and was dating in a monogamous relationship. From that point, I realized that birth-control and female health needed to be address. I was consent getting UTI's and not knowing what/where they were from. The health professionals were very discrete about the cause and didn't come out and ask me about my sexual status because my mother was present.
As an adult and a social worker I see sex education as paramount in the public school system. Of course abstaining from sexual contact is the only sure way to be 100% clear of STI's, pregnancy, and emotional distress. But looking at the facts, this is rarely the case for young people. Viewing their experiences as "immoral and damaging" sends a very profound message: "you should not experience your sexuality until society finds you ready". Really, individuals will ultimately choose when they are ready if given the facts and resources to access measures that increase safety. I believe that birth control should be free of charge and openly available to anyone who wants it. This includes young men to access it for their partners if she is unable to. I also think condoms and access to healthcare professionals needs to be expected and nurtured. Changing the climate around these issues will also change the frequency of abortions and unwanted pregnancies. STI's would also decline and I believe a sense of control and dignity would be resorted to young people especially young women.
We have the right!
Teach respect
My name is George I am a student at a private christian school I myself don't belive in sexual education at school for girls especialy. they are way too emotional some worthless punk boy who has no respect for women comes along and sweet talks a girl into having sex. then the poor girl is terrified that the boy will tell his pals and she will be classified as a (lady of the evening) if you get my point.
I think we should teach yong teen boys how to have outstanding respect for women how to talk to them open the door hold there chiars while they sit down by doing this our next gneration of men would be very worthy. I respect chastity in women hood and would nnnnnnnnever have sex with one until I put a wedding ring on her finger and swore to love her and cherish her forever
george
MaryAnne
Funny that I should find this site. After reading some of what others have written I thought I would put my two cents in as today during a class was a prime example of how ignorance can really be a parent's downfall.
I work in a class which teaches high school students to think at a higher level, among other things. I've been in this program for two years now and really love my kids. My daughter is actually one of my students as well, and even her friends have asked me all sorts of questions. I answer honestly but always with an air of caution to be sure I don't offend anyone - including their parents. Today was one of those days.
The 10th grade class is much smaller than the freshman class (for AVID, where I tutor) and they are encouraged, nay required, to bring a question to class everyday pertaining to their other classes. This year there is a new tutor who I have tried to help learn the program. I took over working with this class today as she and the teacher were busy doing other things. One student finally asked this question from reseach she had done for Health class: "Aside from getting STD's and pregnant, why do adults think having sex is bad?" Long story, short, she was actually asking why do adults think kids shouldn't have sex. I could see in the other tutor's eyes she was not truly comfortable with the nature of the question but I wasn't going to let it deter me in answering. The student had said that in her research sex was supposed to be healthy, something about even making your teeth stronger and helping with depression (yeah, I laughed). I explained that while sex can be healthy and you can even burn calories, it certainly isn't a replacement for regular excercise and that it can promote endorphins which can curb depressed attitude but that's not its goal either. On the health side I also asked about prostitutes. They aren't always the healthiest group and they certainly aren't the happier group because of their profession so her original research probably wasn't all that accurate. Another student added it was about your morals, and I quickly agreed but then asked the students to take that away for the moment, along with the religious aspect and focus on the other issue - the one no one had mentioned - the emotional health and well-being of a person. All the other stuff aside, this was the most important because that's really what sex is about when it comes down to it. And at their age, they really aren't equipt to handle all that comes along with the actions.
Though this was about a 10 minute discussion, I was about to wind down the other tutor piped up in a rather cold tone stating that this had really gone on long enough and that she knew parents of two of the students and personally wouldn't want her daughter listening to any of this. I said nothing for the moment until she looked at me and said she could see on the students' faces that they were uncomfortable (they were mostly facing me and she was in the back of the class) and because of that the discussion needed to end. She felt that no one needed to talk to them except their parents because her child talks to her. And though this may be from Health class, this wasn't the place to talk about it. What I found even more interesting was the student who asked the question originally asked the other tutor why what I was saying was wrong? The tutor's answer, you should be talking to your parent.
Why would anyone in their right mind think that's the cure-all? Maybe if parents were more comfortable and children felt like they could have these types of conversations then there wouldn't be a need for health class. Because I'm in a public school I can't discuss religion but heaven knows there are a lot of religious people out there, unmarried, having sex and getting pregnant - and guess what? A lot are teenagers. And why is it okay to discuss this in Health class but no where else? It just didn't make any sense!!! I wasn't being obsene, graphic or even promoting sex in any way. The other tutor felt I should have kept the answer short and go on to the next. But I don't care how you look at it, that one student who asked the question would have known it as a brush-off had I done that.
You have to be upfront and honest without losing site of the responsibility of what you're saying. I think that's the key. If someone, like this other tutor, thinks I have crossed a line in someway, then it shows the amount of ignorance one can have. Its not just up to the parents - it takes a village to raise a child.
MaryAnne
Bea
Hello I am 13 years old and I go to a all girls private school you would expect the sex-ed to be pretty good but its not!
We only learn about puberty in yr 7 and for some girls that’s too late(mi best friend started at 10 and didn’t know wot was happening to her!)
We don’t learn about Oral or any other sexual related things that we NEED to know.
I don’t want to have sex personally but wouldn’t even know what it was properly if friends hadn’t told me all the biology diagrams show is that something goes into something else and some people don’t know what a boys parts look like.
I think that at 13/14 Year 9(UK)are mature enough to learn about everything to do with sex and a member of the other sex’s body as if you and your b/f choose to have a sexual relationship of any kind then they should have the FULL facts before you get the wrong information from your friends and do dangerous things that could damage or hurt you.
Love Bea (hope other people my age agree with me)
Cathy
I'm a California public school teacher. As part of my job I have the responsibility to teach a "puberty class" for 5th graders, and a much more comprehensive "6th Grade Sex Education Course." I'm a "known quantity" at my school. I'm the only teacher who has the entire intermediate student population (just over 300 kids) in my classroom, day after day, every year. I teach Science to 4th, 5th, and 6th graders, so students are in my class for three years in a row. By that third year, students have learned that I will answer their questions (about anything...) with absolute honesty. Likewise they tend to volunteer information to me that they would never tell their parents. I always start by reminding them that I am a designated reporter, and if what they are about to tell me indicates that they are in a situation that could harm them, I will be calling CPS (Child Protective Services.) They still talk to me. I have called, and will continue to call CPS on occasions that warrant reporting. I'm still an adult students can talk to about "things they have tried." When I tell them "Don't do that again... it's really dangerous and here's why..." they actually listen, because they know I care too much not to tell them the hard truths.
I've been reading the letters sent in, and I am extremely proud of the teens who've written. They understand (probably better than most adults) that going up against biological drives "uninformed" is just not smart. True, prior knowledge isn't a cure-all when it comes to sex, but it's certainly better than learning by "trial and error." Kids need the truth, and yes, they can handle the truth! While maturity levels vary, in general, 6th grade is not too young to learn about human sexuality.
Cathy
Peter
Hi, my name's Peter and I'm 56 years old.
I've read a lot of stories sent to you on the subject of sex-ed. As a teenager growing up in the "swinging sixties", I suppose the subject was discussed in our schools but I have to be honest, whatever education we did get seemed to go out the window as soon as you left the classroom. Everybody was too busy deciding what to wear down the local youth club that night etc. As for where our education came from I suppose it was from messing about behind bike-sheds or if you were lucky and lived near the beach the sand dunes could no doubt tell a few stories.
Getting back on a more serious note, I do feel its very important for the youth of today to get a proper sex-ed other than doing as we did in the sixties, not only from the diseases one can get but for the mental benefits a good education can provide. I hope I've been able to help,thank you for taking time to read the memories of an "aging hippy", still smiling after all these years.
Tatiana
Hi. My name is Tatiana and im 16 years old. I haven't had much of Sex Education but the little I've had didnt help much. The first time i even heard of sex ed was my 7th grade year. Everything my teacher told the class, we all pushed aside because we were SURE that she was doing all she told us not to. How are we going to listen to a bad influence?
I recieved sex ed classes again my freshman year of high school but it wasnt exactly a class. They were basicly just telling us how its supose 2 be done. I looked around my class and instead of the other students being concerned, they were ready to go home so they can try what they just learned!
The next few days they informed us on the dangers of sex and what STDS and diseases you can recieve and how you would get them, but half of my class already tried what they've heard. Yale students were the ones teaching us (were supose 2 teach us) what's right from wrong. They didn't do anything but confuse us or push us.
Barbara
My name is Barbara. I am 30 years old. I have a 9 year old daughter. We were taught sex ed in school. Plus mom did the scare talk. (Mom had me at 14, First sexual encounter,) I worry more of what my child has learned from other kids. some of it is funny. A few months ago my daughter informed me that sex was when you took your clothes off and pinned them to the wall. I have explained to her (with drawings as well) how her body is about to change. What will happen on the outside and inside and why. I wanted to assure her that we all change. I didn't have a book so (i took a human sexuality class in college) I drew the pictures of the female body, outside and inside. Named the different parts (properly) and explained how they change and why. (for bearing children, but didn't explain how that happens.)
I have started to talk to her about boys as she notices them. But the information must be kept at her maturity level. My great concern is not knowing what they will teach in 5th grade if anything. (I went to the same school as my child and the class wasn't until 6th grade and that was on puberty it was too late for some) I want and am willing to do the education.
I'd perfer abstinance, but reality is I won't be there to say no for her. I need to at least help her protect herself. But right now I know for a fact that she is not ready for more information then I have given her. I continue to keep the lines of communication open. At the same time I tell her what we discuss is between us.
She is just discovering boys are more then fishing buddy's and fellow race car fans. So she is use to discussing most things with her younger male cousins or boyfriends. I knew all the schools had to teach and what my mother had to teach. What I am trying to give my child is a person she can speak to, a person she can go to with questions. I have recruited a couple of my close friends to be someone to listen if need be (and not tell me all details) and help me make sure she is protected.
Right now I am the mommy, a person that is still admired and looked up to. But when she hits the teen years? I need to build the relationship now, keep the lines open now. I need to teach her about her body, her mind and making and taking responsiblity for her own choices. I could never feel confident leaving something this important up to someone else. It is also a closeness, to tell my daughter how our bodies change as we become women and and answer her questions. And then ask her if there is anything else she would like to know. And then see the look on her dad's face when he see's the drawings and realizes his little girl is growing up.
Rebekah
Hello,
My name is Rebekah and I am a 20 year old student a Johnson Bible College in Knoxville, TN. Yes, I am a Christian and I believe that abstinence is the best way to avoid the complications of sex. I am also still a virgin and very proud of that fact. I had a sex ed class in high school and I learned so much about sex from that class that I did not know. It was a great class. I come from a small town in Indiana where we have quite a few pregnancies at the school. I have friends that have had sex and are still sexually active. I do not think less of them for it. They are wonderful people. Here, at a Bible college, I am surprised to find that many students do not agree with a sex ed class because of fear that the schools will teach immoral standards. I don't believe that. I think if you have an opportunity to give people accurate information about how to protect themselves, then you should. I was just doing research on this project and found this website and the responses of people and I felt like giving my opinion on the subject. I think sex ed classes are a great idea and should be in curriculums. If parents don't like it, then they have the option of pulling out their child. Today's society is sexually active. Sex is everywhere. We cannot just ignore that fact anymore. We have to educate teenagers about what to do to avoid some problems later in life. Let's face it, most teens are not going to be abstinent. We need to at least give them wisdom in some way. That is the whole point of education, isn't it?
Thank you and I would appreciate comments.
Michael
hello,
I am a guy, 26 years old, from California, and I am in college part time and provide services for computer programming part time. My experience with sex ed classes is the following. 1. I only had one such class in junior high school. It was a little early for me, I was like 15 years old, and it was not really good useful knowledge. But, even so, I guess they did a pretty good job with the class. It was very detailed and had lots of questions, but not much one-on-one discussion, or small group discussion. It was kind of all over you know, lots of information. It needs to be way more serious. They need to like yell it at you like in the military, that this could save yor life.... I mean this is IMPORTANT, You could get AIDS and DIE! for goodness sake. I think it should be required to take such a class every year. It needs to be more realistic, and not have that much information but more about what we do need to know. Mostly condoms. that is the most important thing. absolutely. there are sexually transmitted diseases that people can possibly get, and these days we have technology, called "condoms" which when used properly can basically protect you almost 100 percent. Then there is pregnancy. you dont want to get pregnant if you are not ready right?? It will change your life. That is for sure, so you want to be ready and prepared when you do do that .....to have kids. So, you use a condom every time and you will be covered and you will be safe.... I am now 26 years old, and I must say I hope that the girl that I get interested in will be most educated and intelligent to know the right stuff. There are a lot of benefits to having sex. It is generally a very healthy thing to do, actually, and part of your bodies' normal functions, like exercise. As a matter of fact it is a form of exercise. There are several ways to have sex. Self-sex, which is called masturbation, has a bad connotaion, and some people look on this very negatively. But really that is just practice of the real thing, right? Its like a test screening, or a demo, or a test run. Its basic training. Its like preparation. They say practice makes perfect... There is your standard relationship which should be positive and safe at all times. When a girl and guy get into bed to get some action they should be prepared and have the basic safety equipment. Now what would that be.. let me see... hmmm.. oh yeah, the "condom"! Not a big deal. Also I wanted to say that there are very important ways that girls should protect themselves. This is called the female condom. And frankly I am shocked that there is not much infomation out there about the female condom. You can buy them at any so-called "Drug Store" like Save-On. But don't buy any drugs there by the way, you dont need to take drugs thats disgusting. These idiots call their store a drug store, man. You can also buy it on the internet, Ask your doctor and he/she will tell you more about that. This is a way that girls can protect themselves proactively. It is a condom but for ladies. It goes on the inside of the female private parts. Its like a suction cup kind of thing. You get the idea. Now go buy one. they cost about 15 dollars on the internet or at the so-called "drug store" . Dont tell me its too expensive, thats bullshit. Get the money and buy it. Dont make me go out there and educate the whole world. The idea with education is that everyone can have a win-win situation. We all can have a great life and achieve our dreams and have a nice reliable and respectable life, there do not have to be any sad endings. Thank you, and best of luck to you, please make the safest decision for yourself at all times, michael
college student, Los Angeles, CA
AVERT.org: Female condoms are available at family planning clinics, drugstores and some supermarkets in the US for much less than $15. The cost in clinics or when authorized by a private doctor is covered by Medicaid in some states. Find out more about the female condom.
Vancouver
I am a 16 year old high school student from Vancouver, British Columbia, Canada, and I'm concerned about some of the sex ed "horror stories" I'm hearing from different parts of the world.
My main issue is the belief some people have that educating young people about sex will make them want to have it. Yes, it could make sense, in a different context. If there was no other way for students to find out about sex, then perhaps this would be true, but as we all know there are simply scores of ways to recieve information about sex. Parents and sex ed at school should be first and foremost, and are for me, but most often they aren't. People are also forgetting that sex is a biological drive, meaning that our bodies will want to have sex whether we know what it means or not. You would not refuse to give workers at a lumber plant safety training because it tells workers about different ways they could hurt themselves that they might not have thought of before, would you? That is what the lack of sex education both in schools and at home is like.
Of course, parents and teachers may be nervous about talking to students about sex, about explaining it wrong, or whatever. I'm of the belief that a course on how to deal with students and sexual education should be offered or even mandatory during training for teachers and anyone working with adolescents, at the very least. Similar courses should be offered for parents, if they already aren't. This would give confidence to teachers and parents to talk to the kids about sex, instead of fumbling around with metaphors like "the birds and the bees" (which I have never actually heard the story of myself).
A final issue that no one seems to want to tackle is continuing education. Okay, so you've finally got up the nerve and had "the talk." Now what? Of course there'll be questions: that's a given. But what about questions in the future? What if they forget some things you've said? I also think that sex education should be periodically revisited between the ages of, say, 11 and 16 or 17. Yes, it will get repetitive, but what teenager is going to admit that they weren't paying attention the first time because they were embarressed and need to hear it again? I'm lucky that my school system has done something like this, even though it was probably an accident, because I can be assured that I know what I've been told. It will also help cover the fact that different people mature at different times, both physically and emotionally.
I'm hoping that in my childrens' time, some of the dangerous stimas surrounding talking about sex will be nearly gone in most countries, if not all of them.
Appeal to mothers
Hi, I was reading all the stories that some of you had to say. But as I was a child growing up.. I didn't know nothing about sex.. My mother and I never had that "Sex Talk" as they call it. She never told me about sex, condoms,HIV, or about guys.. So later on in my middle school days I got informed by friends.. No, they didn't say nothing about sex while i was in middle school like teachers and all.. but as i started to get older i knew a bit more about sex.. what are the risk of havin sex.. I'm 18 years old.. what I'm saying all about this.. is if you are a mother of kids.. Inform your kids about sex.. don't let others do "YOUR'' job.. it's your job to talk to your kids about sex.. explain them what are the risks, about std's, aids, and so on... please do so.. it does suck when a mother doesn't explain these things that a female girl wants to know.. so please do so talk to your children.thank you
Cheated
Alot of parents don't teach sex. They feel as if they say don't do it, use religion as their back up, then all the questoins and quarries about it will disappear until a later date. Thats not true. I am a 16 year old female who believes I've been cheated out the talk because my mother doesn't feel as if i should do it, therefor we won't discuss it. Or, if i do bring it up, then i'm doing it. That's not always the case. Curosity is what gets alot of people with things they don't want, because they were to afarid to ask or no one ever told them. Ignorance is not bliss. And when you don't recieve the correct information, you are dummied down to thinking something that is not true is correct. So with the way some parents and society think today, if kids don't learn about sex with school, who will they turn to and what will they learn?
Shoshanna
Sexual education has by far been the most useful information I have ever received. From an early age of 10 I was taught by a school district about menstruation and the ways of producing life. As my academicals education continued so did the sex part. Topics of development, STD‚s, child birth, abuse, rape, and contraceptive were studied. I am proud to say that I a healthy sex life and a safe sex life as well. I am only 18 and I know more about sex than most people all over the world. Information is power
A student
Hi I'm a student at Exeter university, concerning the topic of sex education I too never received any useful information at school. What I remember receiving was mainly about the biology aspect nothing on the emotions or pleasure about sex. I think this needs to be tackled more in schools, or maybe some already are. my main worry though is to do with the silence in schools concerning sexual orientation I believe it is still a taboo subject which is not discussed openly enough in sex education. What about those children who maybe experiencing feelings towards the same sex? where's the support for them? I believe, in my opinion they are not being recognised or supported enough concerning their sexual identity. It must be a very terrifying time for those growing up confused and afraid to speak about their sexuality.
Grateful mother
Megan,
I, as a parent of a 10 yr old girl and a 15 yr old boy, would like to thank-you for being informative. You are absolutely correct, parents are not stepping up to the plate of the era we live in and schools should definitely be prepared to answer all the questions of today’s youth with details and facts to help educate, that is the job of a teacher. Isn’t it? I grew up in the dark of having a period, oral sex, aids, etc and luckily found a friend like you, to teach me and let me know that it was normal and no to be embarrassed. Everyone needs to take a look at our society and realize times have change and we need to take responsibility to educate our youth about everything!
Grateful Mother
AVERT.org: For those of you who missed it, here is Megan's message: 'Personally as a teenager at the age of 14, I would like to say that when I was younger my mother never had the "sex talk" with me. I had to get my information from friends moms and I was ashamed my mother had not told me. I started learning about sex, PMS masturbation, contraceptives when I was 6yrs. old. When I went to sex Ed in elementary all they told us was that sex is for "grown ups" and we should wait until marriage to experiment with the other sex! This was astonishing to me because they didn't warn us about the many STD's or about how females get pregnant. So since I knew that my mother had failed me and the school didn't exactly help me out, I was worried about my little sister so I had to give her the talk and explain everything! Our school board should be more informative and our parents should have more courage to tell "us" about what we need to know before it's too, late and we are lost!! I do not expect to have to inform my friends or my younger sister and her friends about what their parents should already be explaining. But I suppose until people wake up and realize what they should do then I will still be an informative!'
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