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How does the law in my
country/state apply when having sex?
Laws about sex vary depending on which country or which state (if
you are in the US) you live in. The most important thing to know
however is the age of consent. This is the age at which it is
legal to have sex. In England and Wales, the law says that it's
illegal for a boy to have sex with a girl or a boy who is under
sixteen. In other places, the age of consent may be older of
younger than this, and it may be that there is a maximum age gap
that is permitted between partners. To find out about the law and
the age of consent where you live, please visit our page on
Teen sex for further details.
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How do you ask someone out?
You could start off by simply smiling, making eye contact and
saying hello. If they notice you, you could then think about
taking things further. Look for clues about their interests, as
these can be a good starting point for conversations. If they seem
happy to chat, you could then introduce yourself and eventually
work up to meeting for lunch, a coffee, or a trip the cinema etc.
Even though it can be nerve-racking asking somebody out, don't try
too hard to make an impression. The most important thing really is
to be relaxed and be yourself: that way they will know your
interest is genuine. Even if the person concerned doesn't seem
interested, at least you will know you tried.
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Dating someone of the same sex:
I think they really like me but I'm not sure if they're gay or
not. Should I ask them out?
As with any potential relationship situation, you need to be
prepared for the possibility of rejection if the person doesn't
feel the same way as you. Sometimes getting to know a person as a
friend first and trying to gauge their feelings and attitudes can
help you to decide whether to take things any further. Perhaps
mention a well-known gay celebrity and see what their reaction is.
Sometimes you may find that other people's ignorance and fears
mean that you experience a really negative response. If this
happens, it's really important not to take it personally. You are
not to blame for the prejudices that other people have. If you are
worried about it though, talking things through with someone on a
LGB hotline can be really useful. These advice lines are usually
staffed by people who have been in similar situations, and it can
be really helpful to talk to someone who knows exactly what you're
going through.
Gay groups and gay youth groups can also be a great source of
advice and support, as well as a fantastic means of meeting people
- both friends and possible partners - without having to work out
whether they are gay or not. Links to the telephone numbers for
national gay and lesbian advice lines in the UK and USA can be
found on our help and advice page.
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I want to start using birth
control - do I have to tell my parents?
In some countries such as the USA and UK, young people are
entitled to advice and free contraceptives from their doctor in
confidence. If you are unsure or live outside the USA or UK may
need to check with your doctor or local clinic what their policy
on confidentiality is.
Although it may be embarrassing (both for you and your parents),
it can sometimes really help to talk things through with an adult.
It's probably a good idea to gauge what their reaction might be
first, but you may find they're more understanding and supportive
than you expect.
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Does sexual intercourse hurt the
first time?
It can be painful for the girl the first time, as she will
probably be nervous and tense. This might mean she does not
produce enough natural lubrication to allow easy penetration, and
the muscles in her vagina may tense up. It may also be that her
hymen (the thin layer of skin that partially covers the entrance
to the vagina) is still intact, and this can sting or bleed a
little when stretched or broken. It will hurt less however if the
first time is not rushed and both partners are sure that they are
doing the right thing.
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Is there anything I can do to
reduce the pain the first time I have sex?
Sex can be painful the first time, so don't rush and try to relax.
You could try using a lubricant, as this will make penetration
easier and less likely to hurt. However if you are using condoms,
you must use a water-based lubricant such as KY Jelly (available
from most supermarkets and chemists). An oil-based lubricant like
Vaseline will cause the latex of the condom to disintegrate.
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I'm not sure I am ready to have
sex yet.
It is really important not to be pressurised into having sex when
you really don't want to. Just because your friends say that they
are doing it doesn't mean they actually are. There is no 'right'
age to start having sex. What is important is choosing a time that
is right for you. There are many ways in which you can give and
receive sexual pleasure without having sexual intercourse.
Thinking through all the implications of having sex can be a
useful way of helping you arrive at a decision. There are lots of
reasons why people don't want to have sex. Being pushed into
having sex when you don't want to could mean you might regret it
later on.
Although it can be hard to say what you want, it is also important
to talk to your partner before you sleep together for the first
time. As a rule, if you can't talk about sex, then you're not
ready to have it yet. Try and be open about how you're feeling.
Talking to each other will increase your confidence and reassure
you that you both care about each other and are looking after each
other's feelings. Also, it gives you the opportunity to talk about
things that you might be worried about. Remember, even if you feel
ready for sex, your partner might not, so always give them the
chance to be honest with you.
For more information about having sex for the first time, please
visit our First Time Sex page.
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Is there a "safe time" to have
sexual intercourse?
There is no safe time to have unprotected sex if you wish to avoid
pregnancy and STDs. Even unprotected sex during a girl's period
can result in pregnancy, and it also increases the risk of HIV
transmission. Although women are generally only fertile for a few
days every month, sperm can survive inside the body for several
days, meaning a woman can potentially become pregnant over quite a
long period of time. If she has irregular periods, "safe" days can
be particularly difficult to predict. This method also offers no
protection from STDs such as HIV.
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Can a girl still get pregnant if
a boy pulls out before he ejaculates?
If a boy pulls his penis out before he ejaculates, the girl can
still become pregnant. Sperm is often present in pre-cum (the
lubricating fluid that leaks from the penis before and during sex)
and just a small amount in or around the vagina can be enough to
make a woman pregnant.
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My question isn't answered
here. Where can I go?
If you have a question that isn't answered here or anywhere else
on our site, please visit our help and advice
page for links to other places that may be able to help. If your question is
specifically about HIV or AIDS, you can also
contact us for more information, but please make sure you've
searched our site for the answer first!
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