Jay

I am 37 years old and HIV posive. I have been in a relationshop for 5 years now and contracted the disease from my partner.  In December 08 I began getting pretty sick and thought it was a bad flew. I lost all my strength to even walk to the bathroom.  After two weeks and lost 5lbs or so, I went to see a quick care doctor.  They gave me a antibotic and sent me home.  The medicine did not work, I was getting worse and loosing more weight and feeling weaker.   I went back a few days later and they changed the antibotic to a different one, still no luck...

At this point, my RN sister out of state was telling me to see my regular doctor and have a complete blood workup done.  I scheduled the appointment had the blood work done, yet another antibotic was prescribed and I wasn't getting better. At this point my illness was about 5 weeks and I had lost a total of 20 lbs...  Headaches, hot and cold flashes and total weakness....

In the back of my mind of was thinking that I could be HIV + as All the symptoms were what I had, but I was in a commited relationship (so I thought) and it was impossible...

My doctor called and I went to see him and he gave me the devistating news.  I thought that my life was over and I should just drive off a cliff...   I was in shell shock and couldn't move.  The doctor was very sympathetic and nice and tried to be there for me, but I was emotionally gone!

I left his office and went to my car and broke down, cryed so hard I thought I would break!  I finally got the nerve to call my partner and told him to come home as I had to talk to him.  He was out of town working about an hour away and wanted to know what was wrong over the phone, I refused to tell him over the phone and made him come home.  That afternoon was the worst... I tried calling one of my best friends who was also HIV +, but was only getting his machine...  I had no one to talk to and was in shell shock... I just thought about my life ending right there and being gone...  My sister was waiting to hear from me about my lab work and was calling several times that day, I couldnt get the nerve to tell her... I remember , I got up the nerve to dial her number and couldn't even speak once she answered.  She knew it was me and said that she Knew and would be on the first flight to Vegas... She was not going to let anything happen to me and She would be there for me... I was balling at this point and couldn't breath...  She was here a few hours later and was my Rock....  She stayed with me for a week and went to the HIV specialist with me and took care of me...  At this point she, my partner, my HIV + best friend are the only ones that know...

I have been HIV + for 9 months now and are on meds and undetectable.  I am healthy and take life one day at a time.  My Partner is also HIV + and also on Meds and undetctable.  I live a normal life other than take meds and be more careful each day!...

It can be such a shock to find out and even bigger shock to make a life adjustment. But it will NOT BE the death of you unless you let it be!!  Thank god for my SISTER, she is the Rock in my life and I love her more than she will ever know...

My other sister and Dad do not know and wont be told unless I feel it is necessary.
Thanks for taking the time to read my story... 

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Stephanie Ann

I am a 28 year old female who was just diagnosed with HIV on September 15th 2009.  Needless to say it is not the happiest news someone wants to hear.  I feel worthless and angry.  I can't understand why me why anyone?  I try to take it one day at a time but that is not going very well.  I can't sleep because its constantly on my mind and it's worse when I do get some rest cause I wake up knowing I have what is called the monster.  Thinking about my future with this virus leaves me full of anxiety.  Smoking weed is the only thing keeping me half sane.  I hate myself for allowing myself to contract this disease.  I hate myself because I am not pretty anymore.  I hate myself because who will ever love someone like me especially now that I have this disease.  I use to dream of falling in love getting married and having children.  Now all those dreams are out the window.  My biggest decision right now in my life is to either take my energy and fight the battle with HIV or just letting it take control of me and just die

For more information about being diagnosed with HIV, please take a look at our Learning you are HIV Positive page.

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Tanya

Hi, my name is Tanya. In Nov of last year I met a man who had everything I ever dreamed of. I wasn't at the time looking for a relationship, but a friendship grew between us and I decided to leave it at just that. His feelings, however, expressed otherwise. He was willing to stick around and wait for me to come around...

In the midst of getting to know each other I asked him one night when was the last time he got tested for HIV, he had said that about 2 years ago and told me he wasn't in any relationship since then. I told him he should get retested and he went to the Dr 3 days later. We had some drinks that night and had unprotected sex.

Days went by and I totally forgot about the test and all about why I had asked him to get tested in the 1st place. We had unprotected sex again that week.
One day I didnt hear from him until late that evening when he called me and told me his Dr told him he was HIV+....my head spun and after that I was in a fog.

I got on PEP (post exposure prophylaxis) and was tested 4 weeks after that. I was HIV-
I had mixed emotions about having a relationship with him and he was devastaded. It weighed heavy on my heart and mind and I considered everything. HIV is no longer a death sentence, with responsibility and cautions we can lead a very fulfilling life. And we have been since then. I did not let HIV interfere with the happiness he could bring me. And I have found love, passion, compassion, peace, fulfillment and contentment that most people only dream of.

I am HIV- living with an HIV+ man. I stayed with him because I fell in love with him and his condition wasn't enough to keep me away. He is my soulmate and I would do it all over again if I could. Don't give up the chance for happiness just because there is a challenge ahead of you. And don't think there aren't people out there willing to take the chance that I did. Don't give up hope. Good luck to us all in this exciting journey.  

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Protection

Ok I started dating a guy and he told me he got checked out for everything before we had sex and so i thought he wouldnt have anything silly me thought it would be ok not to use a condom how wrong was i.We are no longer together but i recently slept with him and i noticed these bumps a few days later i went and got it checked out and it turns out its genital warts.

You can have the virus and not get any warts or show any symptoms what so ever.
I have now got the virus and have warts as well and they will eventually dissapear or they could linger on it depends on your immune system and if your immune sytem is strong enough it will destroy the virus.There is also NO test you can get done to find out if you have the virus which sucks but he was the only guy ive been with so i know it was him unfatunately.Luckily there a lot of ways to treat the warts and in most cases do dissapear on their own.

Let me tell you there is no worse feeling than knowing you have STI or STD and to know it might linger on for the rest of your life. I cant express my concern enough about using protection,if i had of used protection i wouldnt be in this situation.

I thought i was untouchable,that wont happen to me i wont get anything like that well it happend and it can happen to anyone so i urge you teenagers out there to use protection and if they guy doesnt want to then dont do it its not worth taking the risk.

I hope this had helped someone.

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Steph

In the Heat of the Moment

 

In the heat of the moment


There are no mistakes

No ifs no buts just a lot of risk takes



 

There are no bounds, just free movement

And if your ready its instant recruitment


It’s the heat that fuels foolish passion


A disaster in manifestation not ration


But no one wants to think about it


Its lust you’re captive to, don’t want

To aid any aggression

 

There are no word s exchanged

Body language activated


Hormonal response waited


But consequences never anticipated

 

And deadly result is what you’re associated

Heat of the moment, or the moment of heat


You freely oblige instead of retreat



 

But if AIDS are a threat what option do you have

What can you do?

How about killing this heat of the moment

Before it kills you

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CM.

My name is CM, l will be turning 36 this year of our Lord 2009. I work with an Non Governmental Organisation in Zimbabwe.  I tested positive in August 2007. I have two kids, a daughter and a son turning 16 and 10 respectively this year. Their father passed away in the year 2001after being diagnosed with pneumonia. He was not tested for HIV neither did I.

I got into a relationship with another man in 2002 and also got a bit careless in the process by involving myself with another man.I realised that l was putting myself at a greater risk of infection or reinfection and dropped the second relationship especially when l discovered that he had a son who was HIV positive.I later on learnt that this man died in 2004 whilst his son passed away in 2003. It was a difficult time for me , l was too scared to share this with friends so l just kept it to myself.

I continued my relationship with the other man but somehow l just felt that l needed to know my HIV status.I never faced any health problems until 2006 when l started developing some boils one after the other. I remember suggesting to the doctor who was on locum at my doctors clinic, a white doctor who laughed at me when l suggested an HIV test for myself because acoording to him l looked healthy. He however went on to give me the laboratory forms to go for a test. I did not go immediately because l just thought that since the doctor did not suspect it then why bother.

 The following year, 2007 l had two other big boils one on the bums and another one on the leg.It was that time when the crisis was at its peak in Zimbabwe, l could not even get betadine to treat my wound since l did not want to go to the doctor because it was going to turn out to be too expensive.Because the wound would not heal  l had to go to the doctor(my regular doctor) who then treated me and suggested an HIV test. I told her that l already had the laboratory form from last year. I went for the test and it turned out to be positive. My world stopped for a moment, it was difficult to digest. i received counselling from my doctor then went home.

I had to tell my partner about the results, i did not know where to start from. When l told him he got really angry and upset, and he told me that l had been irresponsible and refused to talk to me for a month. In the meantime l went for my CD4 count which was 120  and had to start ARVs. The doctor advised me that it was going to be expensive since l was going to pay for my own drugs, the government scheme would mean waiting for 2 or 3 years to get treatment.The fortunate part is that l have a good job that pays in foreign currency so l can afford even up to now.

I had to take the courage to do counselling for my partner, encouraged him to go for a test and suggested that we practice safe sex. This improved our relationship. My partner went for the test three times and it turned out that he is negative. I was very relieved to hear that he is negative since l was going to feel bad for having infected him.

My partner has been a pillar of strentgh and support to me and my kids, we are happy and l am taking my drugs religiously. I have to buy my drugs from South Africa since it has been difficult to transact in Zimbabwe due to the ever spiralling inflation. I can not also have regular CD4 count and viral load tests because of the cost.

I am not ready to disclose to my children and family for now. I felt so encouraged by the stories that l read from the avert website and would like to encourage other women who don't know their status to get tested. And that all people living with HIV and AIDS will live longer lives.. God will continue to favour and protect us,the same way that he has given me food in a country that had empty shelves and the same way that he has allowed me to have access to drugs in a country that hit the 2 billion % inflation mark, AMEN

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K, a year on..

It’s been a year now since I found out about my status and a lot has happened during that year. I thought it was gonna be easy to accept and move on, but hey, I was kidding myself. I haven’t been in hospital yet, lucky me, but I’ve been in and out of the doctor’s consulting rooms for a couple of times b’coz of stress. I consider myself lucky to have all the support from my doctors, especially a good friend of mine TK, who I consider my brother from another mother, my mother, brother and my sister-friend I told about my status, who also found out that she’s positive too.

During April 2008 I met a beautifully hearted, handsome and wonderful soul (man) who loves dearly. He is an angel sent from heaven to take good care of me. While we were going out I thought about telling him but I delayed b’coz I thot he will reject me. B4 I told him, I made HIV a topic while having dinner, wanting to hear his views on the matter, I was shocked to hear how open-minded he was. His own words were, “If u are not infected, u are affected”. He even told me that one of his best friends girlfriend is positive and they’ve been together for 4 years and they are happy.

It was difficult for me to tell him at first about my status and when I told him, he was happy that I told him and he on the spot he proposed. He ended up telling me about his own condition, he’s diabetic. As I write this letter, we are building our home so that when we get married next year April/May, we should have a beautiful house to live in with our kids that we are planning to have.

What I want to say to all the ladies out there is that, it is possible to find love while living with HIV/AIDS. Just don’t give up on yourself. Live ur life to the full and don’t give a damn about what people say about u. Forgive urself and ask God to give u strength to get thru each day. Remember that u did n’t ask to be in that situation, someone decided for u by infecting u with this dreadful disease.

The last CD4 count test I did was 501, that was in June 2008. I am living my life positively and the best way I can and I am loving it.

TO ALL THE LADIES WHO WRITE THEIR STORIES ON THIS WEBSITE, U ARE MY INSPIRATION.

LOVIES K

Read TK's story below and for more information on the impact of HIV/AIDS in Africa follow the link.

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Bernhard

I am a member of the Positive Speakers in my local support group for people living with HIV/Aids in Namibia.

When I tested HIV positive for the first time I did not believe my result. I had been tested at a private doctor and didn’t get any counselling. I went three times for testing at the local clinics in Walvis Bay. The results were the same.

I thought it would never happen to me because I am Boxer, powerful and strong in my body. It was very emotional and painful for me. I kept it secret but that also caused me pain. I thought that I was going to die and my family and friends were going to discriminate against me; gossip about me.

Then I found a new family through the People Living with HIV/AIDS Support group at the Walvis Bay Multi-Purpose Centre Trust. I can tell you that it is important to join a support group to share your feelings with others. It helped me a lot. After I got support and information from the support group, I decided to disclose my HIV status to my Family.

And on 15 May 2003 I decided to disclose my HIV status to the public. I shocked the world when I announced at a Swakopmund candle light vigil that, I, Bernhard Kamatoto from Namibia, a Southern Africa champion boxer, am HIV positive. When I announced my status, I said to myself that to die is unacceptable and to have people discriminate against me is unacceptable.

This past six years I still live with my people, but I moved from my house to take responsibility for myself. I now rent my own room. I am a father of a 5 year old boy who is also HIV positive and he lives with me. I want him to grow up to live positively with the virus and to protect himself. Having my son gives me the strength to continue to be a spokesman for people living with HIV. I made it my mission to learn to take care of my child and myself.

There have been times when I have been very sick but usually, with healthy living and my medications, I am well and strong. I am one of the lucky ones as I have responded optimally to the medication with no side effects. I know that many people living with HIV/AIDS in Namibia don’t take their treatment correctly because of a lack of information. I have been given a second chance for life with my treatment and everyday I think that my lucky stars are shining.

By becoming a Positive Speaker, the door has opened for me to talk to thousands of people all around Namibia. I remind people that getting HIV is not the end of the road and that there should be no stigma attached to it. I have become a Namibian ambassador and it makes me proud that people recognize me as a brave and valuable person. Many people who have questions about HIV have come up to me or called me, especially men. When I wear my red t-shirt that says Living with HIV, I get a lot of support. Because people know my status I have been able to help those who are scared and alone.

I don't want people to say to my family your child was useless.

Bernhard Kamatoto

Namibia

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A mother, Ethiopia

Dear all, how are you? I want my name annonym and my story out in the open. I am an Ethiopian. I found out that I was HIV+ in April, 07 when I was pregnant. I insisited on getting the test against my Doc's oppostition as he felt that I was a very healthy person. But then I was thinking for my baby.

When I found out, I was shocked but since I had previously all the psychological readiness when I decided to have the test, I managed it very well. I then demanded to have my CD4 count done in May. It was 251 and the Doc said I didn't need to start any treatment. I then decided to deliver with CS (Cessarian Section) and never breastfed. I was given one tablet hours before my CS and a day aftr he was born my baby was given a drop of Neviraprine. Now, I felt that my baby is ok. Atleast the Doc told me that he is 98% safe. Now he is 4 months, healthy and is growing up so fast.

In October I had my CD4 chount and Viral load done. My CD4 is now 659 without a treatment just because I took care of myself after delivery. My viral load is 5952  copy/ml. The Doctor said I am far from starting ARV and that I should just take care.

With my partner (the father of my son), it was very difficult. At first I thought we can never be the same again. But he told me he needed sometime to process the information and he is afraid to take his test. I've been reading alot about the disease and tried to convince my partner. But he said he'd do it at his own time. But he still loves me, we use condoms and are leading normal life.

I told my status to my family except my parents. My sister felt that they might be destroyed with that information and no need to tell them. But  she treats me as if nothing happened. My brother is most educated and understanding. He also monitors my situation and takes care of me. So, I'm now a very happy working mum. I want all you women to be the same. We all have equal probability of death, which is inevitable anyways. Live today and let tomorrow handle itself.

Love you all!!

AVERT.org has more about preventing mother-to-child HIV transmission.

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Paul

Just came across your organisation in the net. I wish to thank you for the effort you have done so far to encourage the infected and the affected. I am from Cameroon and a student and was lately affected by this infection.

My uncle is the centre of the story. The whole quest deals on faithfulness in marriage. He was a young man of about 40 with a wife and four children. He was the hope for many of us in the family. He was a well trained laboratory technicien. He did his courses in Cameroon, worked here for sometime and left for Italy where he studied.

He has been operating his small clinic in one village around, when he suddenly fell sick. No one knew what was happening to him. This just happened at a time when AIDS history in my area was still a mystery. He just died some time after and is then that I knew he had extra marital activities. Right now no body can tell the children their father died of the sickness because I feel that is going to create a negative impact on them.

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Kola

My name is Kola, I had been very ill for several months, and I had been in and out of the hospital weeks before I finally took the HIV test based on my Doctors’ advice. The test results came out on Wednesday September 19, 2001.

“It’s not the end of the world.” The doctor had said as he handed me the test results. As I sat there short of words, staring at the results hoping to see a fine prints somewhere where that reads “this was all a joke” or something, but I never saw the fine prints I was looking for. “If you take good care of yourself and eat proper diet with good exercise, you could remain productive for about five (5) years or more.” He continued. “The most important thing is for you to think & live positively.” To me, that seemed like the verdict -5years!? I thought aloud, as the doctor shrugged and murmured something like: “unless you can afford the expensive treatments.”

I went home and cried like a baby even though I just turned 27 about two weeks earlier. Three days later, I’d told my fiancéé about my status and convinced her to get tested. Foluke and I have been  dating & we’ve been having unprotected-sex for about three year or so. She took the test precisely on Thursday September 27, 2001. And the result showed she was HIV negative! It was incredible, and I didn’t want to believe it. So I convinced her to take a second test a few months later, and she did –the results showed she was negative still! Foluke insists we should remain together whatever the case may be, and I couldn’t agree more. (Did I hear you say: “selfish?” Well, what can I say, isn’t love suppose to conquer all things?)

I continued living my live as if nothing had happened. Fuluke & I still make love regularly, and we were closer than ever! I know what you are thinking –did we use protections? Foluke wouldn’t hear/take any of that, no matter how hard I tried. What do you mean you don’t understand? Foluke vowed never to use a condom & somehow, she convinced me she could already have been infected anyway. Yes, I now know better; I should have insisted on protections.

I started taking expensive food-supplements like JUBI Formula and others in October 2001, just in case. I got Foluke on some contraceptives until we were sure it was okay to build a family. But that didn’t work, as Foluke got pregnant in June, 2004. I was beginning to look the shadow of myself, because the  food-supplements I was taking no longer function as such, rather it became more like a stimulant (yes! A stimulant, I had sex as frequent as Four to Five times a week). At that moment, Foluke was looking as radiant as ever, while people have started complaining about my sudden change in physical structure & look. Then it dawn on me what the doctor had said about “me living productively for Five years or thereabout”, it’s been almost three years since I tested positive and I already looked the way I did. I believed I won’t be around long enough to take care of Foluke & the baby, so I voluntarily resigned my appointment where I worked, and told my fiancéé that I had to leave town for a while to sort myself out (health wise). One of my cousins died of severe stigma as a result of her HIV status, and I was not prepared to face a fraction of what she went through. Her mother died also, as a result of what some people referred  to as shame and depression caused by the death of her daughter. Foluke broke down for days, and she eventually lost the baby in October 2004 (or so I heard) while I was away in a self-inflicted exile.

I had left Nigeria never to return, not minding where I was going, I walked out of my life, my friends & family, and everything I had ever known –I just left. I left on Tuesday June 22, 2004 on a plane that took me as far as possible from Nigeria after taking as much money as possible with me for the trip. And I’d made sure Foluke had enough to be comfortable for a while. Or till, if by some miracle I ever  returned.

I have since travelled far and wide on a death-row. I stayed in touch with Foluke, and no one-else for a few months. But when I couldn’t find myself returning anytime soon, I stopped writing (e-mail) to Foluke in other not to keep her hopes high or something. She sent me a mail that she now works in an organization where she is well paid (her current HIV status? I guess she’s still negative). As for me, I have since returned to Nigeria (but not Lagos where I used to live). And I got to know so much about HIV/AIDS based on several information/researches I have embarked upon. I am now taking the treatment thanks to the free treatment policy of the Federal government of Nigeria which millions of other PLWHA have also benefited from.

I intend to set-up an Information centre where information will be disseminated to people who got tested (positive) to the virus. These informations will be available in a Ten to Twenty paged booklets (something portable and easy to read), also in recorded tapes for those who may not be able to read (in Four different Nigerian languages), to help them deal with the scourge that may be associated with the virus. Hundreds of thousands of people are dying on a daily bases in Nigeria  and indeed Africa due to lack of information, or half-baked informations. If only people are well informed about the virus and how it can be controlled (even without ARVs); if only I had a fraction of the information I have on the virus now, I probably would have made a better decisions as concerned my life.

I have my whole life ahead of me now; I have dreams which must be accomplished, but first I have to make each day count and most importantly, I need to get a job soon! And no matter what the situation may be, LIFE MUST GO ON!

 

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Nosi

My name is Nosi. I am from Port Elizabeth in the Eastern  Cape in South Africa. I found out that I was hiv positive in December 2001. I was pregnant and had to do the test so that I can take precaution measures for my baby. On the 15th  of December 2001, I was told I am positive. I knew that I could be because earlier on that same year, an ex-boyfriend of mine had come to tell me that he is hiv positive and has been for a while and would like me to go for a test as well. I kept on postponing it until I got pregnant and then I had no choice.

On February, 2, 2002 I gave birth to a beautiful baby boy. He is now four years old and is the reason I am alive today. I went through depression and thought I was going to die, but I did not. I lived because I was carrying him, I talked to him while he was in my stomach, I apologized for bringing him to the world with such a risk at hand. Fortunately by God’s grace when I tested him in January this year, he tested negative. I thank God for him because I do not think I would have been able to live with myself if he had tested positive.

I told his father after a year, he was in shock and in denial for years but this year, he did the test finally and told his mother. He keeps on drinking and living a reckless life so, we broke up last year in September. Its been a year a nd a few months now since we broke up and although I miss him but I know that we have a dysfunctional relationship and he brings me down. My son loves him so much and I would love us to be a family but I don’t think its gonna happen.

The good news though is that in May this year, I met a man whom I told immediately that I am positive and he was okay with it, he is still around. He makes me so happy. He has brought so much joy in my life and I know that when I look back at my life I can smile because he loves me and has loved me and nothing else matters because he loves me. I would love to get married to him but sometimes feel that it will be unfair to him to do that because we cannot have kids, although he has a child and I have one. My dream is to marry him and become his wife. He is a gentle soul and loves me so.

Nosi

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A South African family

The following was sent to us by a South African Bishop, describing one of the many families his diocese is trying to help.

The family has lost Grace, who was holding this dysfunctional family together. We helped with funeral expenses. We used R1,000 (US0) for the funeral parlour and an extra R2,000 (US0) on the funeral expenses and related things. It was very sad to see Grace die even if she was an alcoholic and changed boyfriends but in her own dysfunctionality maintained the family together and as such when she died the family now has broken apart.

The 15-year old child who had not been tested for HIV is now reported to be pregnant. We had moved her from the farm school to the township school, but she didn’t pass this June. Buhle, the young girl of 11, is HIV-positive, and we had moved her to be fostered by a lady from a local Christian organisation. Now the family has taken her, and they took her back to the farm. This continues to be a challenge.

We will withdraw support for the 15-year old, who is now pregnant. We pray that now the 13-year old boy will be helped to head this family. He was said to be HIV positive, but his recent results are saying negative, so we will monitor this.

AIDS kills. It is a situation where, with assistance, we can bring some glimmer of hope, and for that I am appreciative. It’s hitting closer to home. A couple of lay ministers, as I walk about, who are responsible leaders in their communities and parishes, are starting to show signs of ill-health, and the infection rate in the whole country doesn’t seem to stabilise… AIDS is not only in a particular population group or in the poor only, it is everywhere.

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Manana

October 2003:

I'm a  43 year old mother of 4 daughters and a grandmother of one. I've never really put my emotions to anyone. I live in Botswana, Africa.

I tested +ve in March 2003, after about a year of persistent oral problems. I recall my GP asked me to test in August last year and I  did not. I was scared, DEAD SCARED

At the beginning of March I found this GP that I could relate to easily and I asked for a test. I remember as I was driving to his clinic on the 12th March, I kept thinking, THIS IS THE BEGINNING OF THE END. As expected the result was as I had thought. Much as I had suspected my status, I was in great shock. I drove back to my office, and realised it still hadn't sunk in. After about an hour I called my former husband, (with whom I have a wonderful friendship). He is an HIV counsellor.  I don't know what I would have done without him. He was not judgemental. I remember I kept asking him what I would say to my children, what they would think, what their friends would think, how they would react. Absurd as it may sound, he said I could tell who ever I wanted when I was ready.

That really helped me, I am in no pressure to tell anyone that I don't want to tell. So far I've told my partner and one friend who is also +ve. And, between them and my two doctors and former husband, I have all the support I need for now.

With my +ve friend, we started a Counselling and support group for affected and infected people in our community. We do not pressurise anyone to disclose their status, just to accept themselves and their loved ones and get as much information as they can on HIV/AIDS, and the interventions that are in place for the infected. I sincerely believe KNOWLEDGE IS THE KEY TO SURVIVAL.

We operate our support group through sheer determination and the Grace of God. So far we are 20 members. Personally I do this for the love of it, I guess it takes away the stress and depression that I would otherwise have. My partner says I'm doing this for myself, I  he may be right, I don't believe that being +ve is a death sentence

One day I will disclose my status to my family, I'm just not ready as yet. I am on meds, my cd4 was 223 in July, and the vl was undetectable, from 980 000.

I love life, I'm enjoying what I have right now. And I work for a great Organisation, totally supportive of the goverment's efforts towards HIV/AIDS.

Regards

Manana

January 2006:

I just wanted to let everyone know that after the last e mail that I sent I've responded really well to treatment.

As I said, when I started my viral load was 980 000 and cd was 223. I'm happy to say now my cd is 900 and viral load is  undetectable.

I had a choice whether to be on meds or not. Meds were the most logical since I had all sorts of oral problems. I developed thick legs and tummy due to the meds, but I took it upon my self to fight the disfigurement. I started walking 5 kilometres daily, which I've now reduced to 3 times a week, and I do press ups. The elephant calves have disappeared and the tummy is not recognisable.

By the way, I still haven't gone public, I don't see the reason why I should.

Lotsa love

MANANA

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Lost

I'm a 24 year old woman living in JNB, South Africa. I lost my girl cousin to AIDS last year in Oct and was very angry for a while. My anger was directed towards her for keeping her own family in the dark until her ultimate death. After that I found out that my brother is also HIV positive and is taking his medicine regularly. This news shattered my world and I kept blaming God for all the wrongs in my life. Only now do I realize that it's only through our ignorance that we get this disease. I'm now living like a scared cat because last Friday I went to get myself tested and have been awaiting results. Today I get my results and I'm so scared.

My family is already devastated over my brother and I can't imagine them having to go through that again. I know that it's early for me to be speaking as if I'm positive or dying but my past lifestyle hasn't exactly been of a saint. That's all the reason to be scared. WISH ME LUCK AND PLS PRAY FOR ME FOR STRENGTH.

Lost

Johannesburg      

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