Africa has been affected by HIV/AIDS far more than any other continent. Statistics for the end of 2004 showed that 25.4 million of the 39.4 million people in the world who are HIV-positive lived in sub-Saharan Africa. However, for the vast majority of people living in Africa, access to antiretroviral drugs for the treatment of AIDS are not available.
The stories on this page are from people whose lives have in some way been affected by HIV/AIDS. If you live in Africa and are HIV-positive; or if your life, or the life of a close friend or relative, has been in some way affected by HIV/AIDS; or if there is something about HIV/AIDS you would like say, then please e-mail. Further stories of people living with HIV can be found in our stories section.
| Lost | Angie | Mamello | TK |
| Manana | Rita | Ciku | Thabisa |
| Tokello | Percy | Myra | Thabisa |
| Khim | Noni from Kenya | Tokello from South Africa | Tonya from South Africa |
Lost
I'm a 24 year old woman living in JNB, South Africa. I lost my girl cousin to AIDS last year in Oct and was very angry for a while. My anger was directed towards her for keeping her own family in the dark until her ultimate death. After that I found out that my brother is also HIV positive and is taking his medicine regularly. This news shattered my world and I kept blaming God for all the wrongs in my life. Only now do I realize that it's only through our ignorance that we get this disease. I'm now living like a scared cat because last Friday I went to get myself tested and have been awaiting results. Today I get my results and I'm so scared.
My family is already devastated over my brother and I can't imagine them having to go through that again. I know that it's early for me to be speaking as if I'm positive or dying but my past lifestyle hasn't exactly been of a saint. That's all the reason to be scared. WISH ME LUCK AND PLS PRAY FOR ME FOR STRENGTH.
Lost
Johannesburg
Angie
Hi my name is Angie and I am Zimbabwean.
I have had a pretty straight life with one boyfriend at a time. In 2001 I found out I was pregnant and had a beautiful baby boy in November who was premature. Things happened and I broke up with his father. I started dating this west-African guy who had it all going on for him but we always lived apart. I got tired of the abuse that I was going through with him (mentally and emotionally) and decided to just forget about him. I stopped contacting him and met a few guys but never got into relationship with them. I always got tested and always came out negative. Then I met the man I am with now in October 2004. He made me feel special and this time I decided that he was the one (within 2 weeks of knowing each other). I told him we had to be tested and went together. I felt like the world had collapsed on me. I was HIV+ and he was negative. He has been there by me but you can tell he is scared. He is a wonderful man and has helped me maintain a healthy life. I really believe my will to live is for him and my son. He doesn't have any children but wants them. He is just scared that the baby might be born +tive. I want to have his baby too and also fear the same thing. I am still waiting for my cd4 count and pray it is normal. If God asked me what wishes I would like him to grant me it will be to have one or two more kids and live a long life for them. And see them graduate.
Hopeful,
Angie
Mamello
I'm 20 years old and from South Africa. I remember when I was 14 and I wrote a poem called "silent killer", which was about AIDS. The disease wasn't a reality for me then...how things have changed.
I took my first test today. The results came back Negative, and although I'm happy and all, it really made me think. I find myself in a country where it's not a matter of default that someone my age is negative. So many of the people I grew up with are becoming sick and dying. In South Africa, funerals used to be held on Saturdays only. These days, its a Monday to Monday affair.
What really hits hard is the number of young people who seem to have the attitude that "it won't happen to me". Girls as young as 14 are falling pregnant - which obviously means that they are exposing themselves to monumental risk. And its even sadder is that so much time and money is being spent on education and prevention, and its hard to see the positive effects.
AFRICA IS DYING SLOWLY...
To all those who are +ve... please stay strong. Joshua 1:9 says "be strong and of good courage, for the Lord your God is with you wherever you go." Even if all else fails, He will never, ever stop loving you.
To everyone who is -ve, please stay that way.
Mamello
If Africa is to be re-awakened, then HOPE needs to be restored. Here's to A RE-AWAKENING OF HOPE"
TK
I'm 26, living in South Africa. I just found out that I'm hiv +ve exactly two weeks ago. What can I say? It's been a whirlwind of emotions, from feeling on top of the world when finding out that I was pregnant, to literally wanting to curl up and die the next day when the doc told me my test results came back +ve. I‚m married to someone I consider the love of my life. When we met, I took an hiv test, it was negative. He told me he'd recently taken one as a requirement to be accepted for an overseas study programme, and he'd tested negative. Since then, he said, he'd practised safe sex. I believed him, and asked no further questions. I found out afterwards that what he actually meant by safe sex was that he'd since been involved with just one woman since testing negative, but he wasn't using protection. A few months after we started having unprotected sex, I fell gravely ill. The doc suggested I take another test, I refused, saying I wasn't ready for the stress and besides, I was sure I was negative. I recovered slowly but from then it was one thing or the other with my health, skin rashes, new allergies, my skin has literally changed in the space of one year and for the first time I'm using concealing make-up and choosing my summer tops very carefully. I guess the warning signs have been there since I fell sick earlier this year, I'm educated on hiv and some of my symptoms literally had the warning bells ringing inside my head. Still, the shock of discovering my status is something I will never wish on my worst enemy. I thought my life is over. Ok I know what they say about hiv no longer being a death sentence but in my mind my life as I knew it, is over. In fact, I started thinking of ways I could end my life. My husband has been by my side all along, and he is just as devastated. I hold no grudge against him at all, I‚ve forgiven him. I honestly believe he was just ignorant about it all, just as I was - not making him take the test instead believing what he said. Before my husband, I had one four-year and one three-year relationship. I still believe he's the one I should be with. When I read what Rita said about being angry all the time, at God and at her husband, I was compelled to write my story. I just want to say to her ŚRita, please try to forgive your husband. I know it‚s not easy, I‚m battling just as hard to forgive myself. Like you, I consider myself well-educated and ambitious, we're both the same age in SA so I sort of know what kind of future we feel we deserve. The transformation in your husband is in itself a blessing that has come out of this situation, and through his renewed faith, you will also be blessed and in time, you will regain your trust in the Lord. Just the fact that you now have a beautiful healthy baby is in itself another blessing. As for our baby, we decided to keep it but after further tests revealed that my cd4 count was very low, my doc advised that it wouldn‚t be the best option to keep it as the chances of infecting it would be high. So I terminated it the very same week. I was devastated, I still am. I cry almost everyday and it‚s taking a toll on my health. But like you, I want to live, I want children in my marriage and I want to see them grow up. And sometimes I actually do believe I will achieve all of that and more. I also came very close to denouncing God and even questioned his existence in the past two weeks, but my husband, like yours, has been very strong in prayer and through him I'm beginning to come to terms with this and my faith in God is being restored. We have not told a soul, and do not plan to do so anytime soon, at least until we get a grip ourselves. We start meds soon and I hope that will be the beginning of a new and positive life for us. Stay strong and keep expressing your feelings.
Much love
TK
Manana
I'm a 43 year old mother of 4 daughters and a grandmother of one. I've never really put my emotions to anyone. I live in Botswana, Africa.
I tested +ve in March 2003, after about a year of persistent oral problems. I recall my GP asked me to test in August last year and I did not. I was scared, DEAD SCARED
At the beginning of March I found this GP that I could relate to easily and I asked for a test. I remember as I was driving to his clinic on the 12th March, I kept thinking, THIS IS THE BEGINNING OF THE END. As expected the result was as I had thought. Much as I had suspected my status, I was in great shock. I drove back to my office, and realized it still hadn't sunk in. After about an hour I called my former husband, (with whom I have a wonderful friendship). He is an HIV counselor. I don't know what I would have done without him. He was not judgmental. I remember I kept asking him what I would say to my children, what they would think, what their friends would think, how they would react. Absurd as it may sound, he said I could tell who ever I wanted when I was ready.
That really helped me, I am in no pressure to tell anyone that I don't want to tell. So far I've told my partner and one friend who is also +ve. And, between them and my two doctors and former husband, I have all the support I need for now.
With my +ve friend, we started a Counseling and support group for affected and infected people in our community. We do not pressurise anyone to disclose their status, just to accept themselves and their loved ones and get as much information as they can on HIV/AIDS, and the interventions that are in place for the infected. I sincerely believe KNOWLEDGE IS THE KEY TO SURVIVAL.
We operate our support group through sheer determination and the Grace of God. So far we are 20 members. Personally I do this for the love of it, I guess it takes away the stress and depression that I would otherwise have. My partner says I'm doing this for myself, I he may be right, I don't believe that being +ve is a death sentence
One day I will disclose my status to my family, I'm just not ready as yet. I am on meds, my cd4 was 223 in July, and the vl was undetectable, from 980 000.
I love life, I'm enjoying what I have right now. And I work for a great Organisation, totally supportive of the government's efforts towards HIV/AIDS.
Regards
Manana
Rita
I have read stories from other HIV positive people and I think I should share mine with you too.
I am a married woman aged 39 years with four children. I am a South African living in South Africa.
I discovered that I am HIV positive in November 2000 when I wanted to insure my house. In April that year, my husband was hospitalised and discharged without my knowledge as he was working away from home. I came to know when I phoned him. When he was discharged he came home for two to three weeks. For the rest of his stay at home we did not have sex which was strange and he looked worried.
Towards the end of June the same year my 1 year daughter who I was breastfeeding was admitted in hospital and it was pneumonia which I did not think much about its connection with her father's illness.
In October when we had to undergo the HIV test I was confident but my husband was nervous although he pretended to be fine.
One day when I got home I was got a message from the Doctor that we should both of us I myself and my husband) see him. It was Friday afternoon. What came right to my mind was that I was going to get the bad news. I only started to think back, my husband got sick and my daughter ……eish.
As usual my husband ignored the importance of meeting the Doctor and went back to his workplace. On Monday I called the Doctor and confirmed an appointment. I had to go there alone and I was told that I was HIV positive. I can't explain the situation I went through, you know I nearly collapsed, I went straight home to sleep. I only told my children that I was not feeling well. I did not have courage to tell them my status because I am only their last hope in life.
I took three days crying, without eating, until I felt that I was weak and could not do anything. That was when I remembered that I had someone special to talk to which was GOD. I prayed, I read the Bible from time to time crying accusing God of what has happened to me. You know from the readings I got courage, I told myself that at least for the remaining years I could work hard for my children.
On my own I think I am tough, I can handle the situation but what eats me every day of my life is looking at my little girl who is also suffering. She will be four in July this year. I always blame myself for breast feeding. I thought I loved her, look at what has happened, she is also HIV positive. I wish I could confess to her but she is too young to understand.
The reason I regret breastfeeding my daughter is that in February the same year I had to be operated and I tested negative. The other thing I suspect is that my husband did this purposely, maybe he was told when he was in hospital, that is why when he got home we did not have any sex. But when next he came home we continued with unprotected sex.
The people who know about my status are my two sisters who are supportive indeed.
I wish all the best for everyone.
Regards
Rita
Ciku
Dear Sisters,
I read your letters with fear and trembling and yet at the same time I draw some hope from you.
I am a Kenyan woman, I have been affected through seeing my relatives pass away from the HIV pandemic.
I believe and trust with you all, that you will live longer lives, to see your daughters grow and to enjoy your grandchildren. God is the provider of life, may He sustain and prosper your lives. I love you all.
Ciku
Thabisa
I'm writing to you on a day I feel so down and feel that life can be unfair. Once again the virus has taken a friend, and a dear person to me. A person I got to share joy, laughter, and many other things with.
She died in her sleep. I am hurting, you have no idea. I do not want to tell lies. I nursed this woman back to life last week. She was so cold and kept telling me to put on extra blankets. The room was so hot I was sweating from trying to make her warm. Even massaging her feet would not help. I had to go inside her blanket and sleep with her to try and bring her to at least the body temperature while waiting for an ambulance. I cannot believe that she did not make it!
She was so beautiful and more over she had a beautiful heart! I saw her before leaving for Grahamstown and she looked promising. One could swear that she was almost faking it, the way she kept her smile on even though she was loosing the battle. I do realise that I cannot be jack of all trades, and that there was absolutely nothing I could do, as I could not take her pain away. I just wish I was next to her bed when she gave up the fight.
Other than that we had a lovely Christmas party at the centre (the Raphael Centre) on Friday. The children loved the presents and they sang so well!Fond regards,Thabisa
"Live and let live"
Unity against HIV/Aids
Tokello
Hi
I wrote in last saying that I was sick and worried, I was diagnosed with pneumonia and I lost all hope of seeing the year through (2001). Its over a year now and I have never been sick after that, I always take everything to the Lord in prayer, for if it was not for his grace I would not be alive today. Each day I thank him for making me not loose hope and faith in him and I know that there is a purpose that he has put me in this world.
I don't have much to say but I almost took antiviral drugs.
I recently went to have a test and my CD4 cell count is up from 624. It went up to 946 (17/10/2002) which made say that the lord looks after us.
What I am trying to say with all this, is to all those that are HIV+ never lose faith. What I have learned also is that eating a healthy diet and also keeping fit helps no matter what other people say.
Keep well.
Tokello,from South Africa.
Editorial: Having strong religious beliefs and eating a good diet has clearly worked for Tokello in keeping her CD4 count high. For other people, eating the same foods as they always did and not taking vitamin supplements can still keep them healthy and their CD 4 counts relatively high. Many people, when they become HIV+, make decisions about lifestyles, diet and religious beliefs. One way of life will not work for everyone, you have to find the way that works for you.
Percy
This page normally has on it contributions from people living in Africa. But we have made an exception for Percy Mashaire's story below.
Dear Friends,
Last year I lost my 28-year-old sister to AIDS. She was beautiful and bright, and had a responsible job with the Harare City Council in Zimbabwe. Her death was devastating for us the immediate family as well the community she worked and lived in. Her two daughters aged 10 and 8 are now orphans.
We had hardly recovered from her death when my other sister was diagnosed HIV positive. Her condition had deteriorated quite sharply with the CD4 count down to 42. She succumbed to illness, and could not eat anything, never mind keep anything in her stomach.
We were all desperate because there was no way that she could get any medication. Then some friends in Finland (where I currently live) supplied us with anti-retrovirals left over when they changed to other drugs. Medical regulations here stipulate that these excess drugs should be returned to the treatment centres from whence they are destroyed. Luckily these friends had not done so and they gave us the drugs, which we sent to my sister. With the help of her doctor she began taking them. The recovery has been amazing. She has gained weight, can now walk, eat and care for her 7-year-old daughter whose father died from cancer some years back.
Despite the happy news, my sister is, however, far from danger because the anti-retrovirals are running out. I have been in contact with her doctor and he says that any kind of anti-retrovirals would be good for her because her biological system is very receptive. But I am now stranded because my friends no longer have any left over drugs. My partner and I have done everything we can. We have approached local pressure and treatment groups, hospitals, pharmacies and even appealed to the Finnish president. All to no avail.
The painful tragedy is that here we are in a country where AIDS is no longer a dreaded killer due to the availability of drugs and treatment, and yet on the other side of the world we have a young mother overshadowed by death and life as an orphan for her daughter. Life-saving medicines are being burnt right in front of our eyes!
Please help if you can. We know that throwing pills at a single individual is not the best way to tackle the AIDS epidemic in Africa, but we need help NOW to save this young mother and somehow ensure a normal life for her 7-year-old daughter.
Sincerely yours, Percy Mashaire
Myra
Oh my god!!! I have been reading the "voices in Africa" page and I am so sorry for all of you. To tell you the truth the only reason I went to that page was to do my school project. I regret not reading it earlier because when I read it, it really told me something about life. I am from Africa. I came here when I was a little girl and I am happy to say that I am from Ethiopia. I know lots of people are positive in my country but the only thing I can do is pray for all those people who have lost someone close. Not just them but for the people all over the world I am really deeply sorry for your loss. And thank you to those who wrote those amazing letters and thank you for telling me what life was really like. For those people that have it I am right next to you. We all are next to you, you are not alone in this world. Keep fighting for your family and we will be right beside you.
Lastly parents please talk to your kids and understand them. God help us all.
Thabisa
My name is Thabisa Dyala. I am a female-aged 26, living in Grahamstown, South Africa where I work at Rhodes University in Communications Division. I am HIV positive. I was diagnosed in August 2000 and publicly disclosed my status in March 2002.
Following is my story of how I found out about my HIV status:
In July 2000 I applied for life cover insurance and was asked to take an HIV test. Knowing what my HIV status was from previous tests, I had no problem taking the test. I was sure that I was HIV negative as I had done a series of HIV tests due to a difficult pregnancy in 1997. My medical practitioner did the first test on the finding that I was pregnant. The Grahamstown Municipal Clinic did the second test, as part of the routine for pregnant women is to take the HIV test. My medical practitioner sent me to be examined by a specialist in St Georges, who also did the test. The Livingstone Hospital, where my daughter was born also ran the test. Six months after the birth of my baby I went for the test. All the tests came back negative.
One morning my live in boyfriend who I met in 1999, and started being intimate with in January 2000 forgot his file on the table. Inside the file, were his personal belongings; photographs of him and his ex girlfriend including a letter that was from an insurance company. The letter stated that his application for life cover was unsuccessful, the company considered him a high risk and they said that he should consult his doctor. I was shocked, as I knew nothing about a medical condition that could cause the application to be unsuccessful. I looked to make sure that the letter was addressed to him and it was. The letter was dated 1998.
I did not know what to think. I felt so cold inside. I couldn't ask him because I was not supposed to be looking in his file in the first place. I went to his office and asked him if I were to get a letter from the Sanlam saying that my application was unsuccessful, what would that mean? Without even thinking he said, "It would mean that you are HIV positive.
A few days later I got a letter from the insurance company, it was exactly the same wording as my boyfriend's letter. At that point I got curious. All I wanted to know was if he had infected me as well. I went to his office and showed him the letter. I called my doctor who offered to get the results for me. He told me to go and see him just in case the results weren't what we expected.
The doctor confirmed my worst fear. I still remember his exact words. "You know Thabisa, I was also wondering what it was that made your application to be unsuccessful because you are healthy. I'm sorry but your HIV tests came back positive" I could not believe it! I felt like I was not there. My body was just there. I sat there and stared at him as he was going on about how HIV was no longer a death sentence that scientist could find a cure soon and that I need not to worry, and that it could be 5 years before I get sick.
He told me to go for a second test to confirm the positive finding. My boyfriend was in the waiting room waiting for me. I came out and filled in a form at the reception desk. I started shaking uncontrollably and my boyfriend filled in the form for me. As we walked out of the door I looked at him and said, "It's positive, my HIV test came back positive". He held my hand and squeezed it tight. We proceeded straight to the car. He looked at me and said, "Tell me what the doctor said!" "He said that my test came back positive" I replied. He hugged me and held me close to his chest. We sat there for a while not saying a word to each other. I told him to drive home.
We drove to the flat. I remember walking into the flat feeling so empty inside, I felt lost and did not know what to do. All I could think about was my daughter. I started adding 5 years on her age and realized that she could be only 8 when I start getting sick. I started having flash backs of my life, of how happy I used to be and how things had changed for the worst. I kept having flashbacks of the first day I had sex with my boyfriend without protection. The image of that day has never left my mind even today.
My boyfriend was wonderful. He gave me all the support I needed. How was he not be? After all he was the one who infected me with the virus. I started falling apart. I broke down and cried myself to sleep that afternoon. My boyfriend did not want to leave my side. I remember he had to go meet his boss but did not want to leave me all alone. He at least looked concerned. I told him to go and told him that I was going to be fine. He left for a short while. That night he held me tight and would not let go of me. He followed me to the bathroom to make sure I was fine. That night he agreed to also take the test.
The results were to come back in 3 days time. I did not want to be touched. I felt dirty inside, and hated sex. My boyfriend noticed that I was pulling away from him and told me that it did not make a difference to him that I was HIV positive and that he still loved me the same way. He told me that even if his test were to be negative he would not change a thing in the way we were used to having sex. And that if we were both positive we were to stick together and even get married. The test confirmed that he was HIV positive. The doctor called me in and told me about my boyfriend's results.
A few months later I confronted Phillip with what I already knew. He confessed. He told me that he sort of had an idea that he was HIV positive but did not know for sure and that unlike me; he never consulted his doctor when he was asked to do so. He told me that one of the reasons why he left Johannesburg; was the fear that he might have contracted the virus and he wanted to start a new life, get married and live far away from the people who reminded him of his past. I stayed with him despite what I knew. I thought that I was doomed. I actually thought that I was lucky to have him by my side. I thought that I would never be in a relationship. How wrong I was!
Thabisa
Khim
Today is the last day of the first month - living positively. I was diagnosed on the 01 May 2002. My test was due, as I believe that a healthy life style includes regular checks of which the HIV one is a formality. My last test was done in March 2001, and this was negative.
I was involved with one partner up to April 2001, and we were committed in a serious relationship. Then I moved into more demanding activities at work and the relationship took a knock. I was happy being single again and had friends around me, BUT I was missing that special person.
For the next 10 months I was seeing a friend of mine, we both agreed that this would only be a sexual experience as we both didn't have much time for a relationship. But soon we realized that we actually liked one another more than ever before, we spoke about having the test done - I was fine, as this was a formality. One evening I again asked him "..what is your feeling about HIV.." and he mentioned once again, that he's ok with the HIV thing BUT that he would rather not know his status. How could I force him to go, as I knew that my test was due in a month's time?
Then one evening he phoned and told me he's leaving for Cape Town (CPT), this is about 1.5hrs flight from Johannesburg. He just want to say bye and that he wants to know if "we" are still ok, saying that we will still remain friends while he's away. Six weeks later I booked a flight for a visit to him in CPT, on my way to the airport I stopped by my GP for results, he's a close friend and a wonderful person. He looked at me and I knew just then that this is bad, he opened so gently "...there's no easy way to tell you this..." and told me that my viral load (VL) was 13,300 and CD4 960. In a few minutes my life paused, and I knew then, I got it from my friend.
The weekend away in CPT did me good. I spent time with him BUT I was advised not to talk to anyone for the next two weeks until I had moved into a clear mind of understanding and acceptance. I looked at things differently. A week after my visit to CPT I had to tell him - I was mentally ready and was surrounded with facts, so I was more at ease. I told him, as if I had to tell a friend I had flu. He was quiet for a few seconds and then said that he feels the same and would like to remain friends for life. I was very happy and satisfied with his remark, and I could focus on my postgraduate studies again.
But things in my life took a bad turn two weeks later. I thought I could manage alone (and yes my VL and CD is great under the circumstances), BUT it is the silence thing that got to me, not being able to talk about it. This is not for fear of being killed (as portrayed by some media), just that friends might run for the door. My friend returned from CPT a week ago, he went with me to my GP and had the test done, but my GP had picked up some serious signs of a possible HIV infection during the general examination. He suggested we took two blood samples as this will help for the CD4 count (if he is positive). Two days later he was diagnosed but his CD4 was only 105 and the VL in the millions. Now we needed to find medicine ASAP, the cost locally would have been about $550 a month, so we made contact with a Swaziland clinic and he got his first month's supply yesterday for $80 (this is the cocktail).
It was a sad time for him, being 24yrs and knowing that he infected me, we both then decided that we must live positively with HIV. Our future ahead: Be strong, know the facts and think clear! We are deciding on a new house to stay, and for the future we have one another and that's all that matters. Fortunately we can afford treatment, we live in the upper suburbs in Johannesburg and we have access to numerous sources of information, resources and support. We are both white young guys, and are working in industries that support and contribute to the financial and environmental health of South Africa - I sincerely hope and pray that our Government will recognize the epidemic of this virus in SA - and made drugs available to all to sustain a healthy life with the virus. P.S. Thank you for a great site, I got the URL from our company medical clinic!
Regards, Khim.
Noni from Kenya
I'm not HIV+ (at least I hope not). But I've read all the stories and they have really touched my heart. I have lost relatives to AIDS, and some of them have died without admitting it was AIDS. I took an Insurance policy that required a complete medical check up. I knew they were looking for HIV. After the results of the medical were out, I was scared of going to get them. I also knew a copy had been sent to the Insurance company. Rather than wait for them to drop a bomb shell on me, I gathered guts and went to the medical clinic. I asked for the results and they gave a slip of paper. I took a deep breath, and opened. The result was negative. I grinned all the way to my office. I intend to take a second test just to be sure. We now have VCT (Voluntary Counseling & Testing) centres that offer free counseling and testing services. For all of you who are so brave, we love you all and we are in this fight with you. My God give you strength, love, joy and peace.
Noni
Tokello from South Africa
It's hard for me to sit down and write this message. I have been HIV+ for 3 years. I had even forgotten that I had the disease until I became sick this year. That's when the reality of the whole thing struck me. It's so painful, for when you become sick it comes back to you with the notion that the immune system is becoming sick. Accepting the disease was to first forgive the person who gave it to me in the first place, and now whatever I want to have I strive so hard to get it, the reason being I don't want to be sick or die before I have achieved all my goals.
There are days when I ask myself why can't I be strong, for the only people who know are my sister and her husband, my parents don't know and I am still trying to find a way to tell them without any disappointment. There is one thing that I would like to say to the youth out there who are still careless with life: life is too short to take for granted. All my dreams of having a child are shattered and gone. The only way is to love other people's children. Also the dream of working in another country is gone. I have just turned 25 and I have 1/2 of what I wanted because of the disease.
Tokello
Tonya from South Africa
I'm 20 years old and while I'm not living with AIDS or HIV, a close friend of mine was diagnosed +ve in June of last year. When she told me I cried for her. I cried for her daughter. I cried for everyone that I DON'T know who has AIDS or who is +ve. She's lost so many "friends". People always have things to say about her and the life that she chose to live, and to top it all off, the love of her life is more concerned about the rumours that are going around about HIM! I cry sometimes. When I see her sick, when she's in the hospital, when I sometimes hear her voice I cry. While I'm not positive my life has changed a great deal because of someone in my life who is sick. I want to be there for her and others, but I have no idea what to do. I'm crying as I type this and I cried as I read the letters of others. Don't ever think for once that you are alone because you're not. God only gives you as much as you can handle. Be strong and don't be afraid to ask for help. We all need help in some way. I love you all.
Tonya
Last updated February 16, 2005
